Schrödinger's Kitten
Irreverent Science for Everyone
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The Lack of Perspective Vortex
The first thing I did when I got to university was measure the charge mass ratio of the electron. Well, actually, the first thing I did was to take off my top hat and start messing my room up, but the first thing I did in labs was that. I then proceeded to spend four years peering indecently closely at the components of nature, either measuring them, calculating with them, or cursing their discoverers. After that, I fear I may have got a bit blasé about minute measurements. You know you've got a problem when you consider 100 nanometres to be 'quite big, really', an additional nanosecond a day to be worth worrying about, and a 0.1 degree difference to affect your cooking.
Amateur Mosquito Investigation Part 2 (or The Biting Bastards are Truly Bastards)
Slight delay in results caused by being out of the country and applying for paying jobs.1 However I'm sure you'll be glad to hear that I have the results of the first experiment. For those who've forgotten, that's:
Survival - Now A Special Interest Issue
The US Environmental Protection Agency determined in April that greenhouse gases 'pose dangers to public health and welfare' — which makes them sound more like a drinking problem, but OK. Step in right direction. Now the EPA will be able to start taking steps to regulate such gases. Finally, I hear you cry. But wait — the nature-lovin', deer-squashin' Republican party have produced a memo which shows that not letting manufacturers pump whatever they damn well like into the atmosphere may harm their profits. And we're in a recession. And the hippies at the EPA knew this when they decided to tie the small businessman's coal-covered hands with red tape!1 The Republicans are pissed.
Amateur Mosquito Investigation (or Getting the Biting Bastards Back)
The situation is this. I live in the French alps at the moment, as I am working at the European Synchrotron Radiation Facility in the capacity of Junior Science Pimp (OK, assistant press officer). I am suffering from insect bites, delivered by species unknown, but the modus operandi fits mosquitos.
I did a quick search on the internet on the subject of insect bites and how to prevent them, and found a lot of old wives' tales, hearsay, and unsubstantiated anecdotes. The best site I have found on the subject (giving paper and experiment references) is here, but I will also be searching the scientific literature as soon as I have access to journal archives (it is a crying shame that access to these things is so expensive that only scientific institutions can afford licences to view them. We all deserve access to knowledge!), but in the meantime I am setting up a small experiment to see what, if anything, will repel the little individuals.
The Market Value of the Stairway to Heaven
In response to the frankly ambitious Japanese announcement that they could make a ladder into space for 10 billion Yen1 and have it running in our lifetimes, I was asked to write a guide to the construction of a space elevator for the March edition of The Sky at Night magazine, out now.
Ways to Electrocute Yourself Around the Home
I had a very bourgeois accident last week — while gaily opening a bottle of bubbly, fully half the bottle cascaded all over the gas hob, leaving me distraught and the hob sparking continuously for the next hour or so. In my wisdom, I decided to disassemble the hob, for ease of drying, using for protection the tea towel I used to sop up the wine. Who can tell me why this is a bad idea?
That Last Doctor Who Episode
The alternative title for this post was going to be "Yes, I know it's science fiction but I spend my time hitting my head on the sofa from sheer frustration when they try and do faux sciency bits and I don't see why you shouldn't suffer too" but I thought it was a bit long.
So, for those of you who don't watch Doctor Who, or have amnesia, the Daleks were plotting to destroy everything by aligning 27 planets in a certain way, including Earth. Presumably there was a feature in Evil Villains Monthly!1 about this, as it has featured in many a dastardly plot2 — although the Daleks were unusually pro-active in stealing and assembling the planets themselves rather than just waiting for the time to be right.
Lies, Misinformation and Jeremy Clarkson
A lot of people (mainly car drivers and lovers) have gleefully told me about the 'test' conducted on Top Gear which 'showed the Prius (a hybrid eco-car) wasn't that fuel efficient'. In case you haven't seen it, the clip can be watched here, unless it's been taken down by the BBC (the kitten accepts no responsibility for objects thrown at screen in an attempt to silence Jeremy Clarkson).
Why We Should Stop Using Fossil Fuels – Even If Global Warming Wasn't Happening (which it is, by the way)
Fossil fuels are what's left of ancient (dinosaur-type era) living things, crushed and simmered deep in the Earth for millions of years as more and more layers of mud covered their bodies. As the mud turned to rock, the organic matter turned into a rich soup of molecules called hydrocarbons. Then some hairless monkeys started digging it out, and found that it burnt real good. They called this hydrocarbon-rich material coal if it was solid, crude oil if it was liquid, or natural gas. And they burnt it, and it produced a lot of energy, more energy than anything the monkeys had burnt so far. It was really light for the amount of energy it had in it, too, so you could take a bottle or a lump of it with you and use it for transport without it weighing you down. And the monkeys used more and more of it for more and more things — oil could be turned into waterproof, mouldable, lightweight materials, which were just great for making disposable beverage containers and costume jewellery.
Dark Matter - Dark Cop-out
Dark matter is Magic. Not only is it undetectable (hence the name dark), it's also incredibly common — 10 times more so than ordinary matter — and miraculously solves any equations it's faced with. Why is this?
Because we made it up. Dark matter, and its even more slippery counterpart, dark energy, is a big plaster on some massive gaps between our theories and our observations of the universe.